


all her haunts were home

by Sameifer



Series: small and silver [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 05:45:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19457602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sameifer/pseuds/Sameifer
Summary: Everyone from his old life made forgetting seem so easy, yet he can’t stop seeing Bucky’s eyes, wide and filled with something horrible on that helicarrier. It replays behind his eyelids like a supercut every time he blinks.





	all her haunts were home

**Author's Note:**

> so I've decided that Steve rogers needs HELP but marvel won't give it to him so I will! im gonna talk about his depression b/c he obviously has it... im gonna get you outta there steve you don't belong in there!  
> as always its un-proofread b/c im impatient

The first thing he does when he finds out Bucky’s still alive, and finally accepts that he’ll be found when he wants to be found, is search up Becca in the phonebook. Steve knows she must be old now, and that there’s a high chance she’s passed on, but he still dials the number listed regardless. 

A voice he doesn’t recognize picks up the phone—Becca’s caretaker, he finds out. Steve introduces himself as an old friend that would like to drop by for a visit. He jots down the address in Chicago that the caretaker gives him. He hangs up the phone and sets it down with a shaky hand.

When he’s in front of her door a few days later, Steve hesitates before knocking. He hopes she remembers him; knows that anyone in the Barnes family could never forget him, even if he wasn’t a public figure. Still, he thought the same of Peggy, and she forgot. Thought the same thing of Buck—oh God, just thinking about the terror in Bucky’s eyes has Steve’s vision going cross. Everyone from his old life made forgetting  seem so easy, yet he can’t stop seeing Bucky’s eyes, wide and filled with something horrible on that  helicarrier . It replays behind his eyelids like a supercut every time he blinks.

He rights himself after a moment and stands up straight before rapping on the door in one swift motion before he can back out again. The caretaker opens the door. She visibly stills in recognition, but only for a moment before she’s kindly stepping aside and inviting Steve inside, asking him to take off his shoes.

She leads him through the halls, mindless small talk about how “Mrs. Barnes-Proctor” has been doing today and about how they just finished up lunch not too long ago. Steve isn’t really paying much attention, just following idly, clenching and unclenching his fists as they go. When they reach the sitting room where Becca is, Steve’s breath catches in his throat. She’s already looking towards them, smile sitting soft atop her wrinkled face.

“Stevie,” she sings, and it takes everything in Steve not to crumble right there. He feels his eyes well up and he moves to wipe them as quick as possible. Becca pouts then, and lifts her arms up, gesturing for an embrace long overdue.

And Steve—he’s sure he’s never felt anything like what’s going through him right now. For the first time since he woke up, someone’s remembered him. Not putting his face to the name in history books, but  _ him.  _ Becca remembers him from when he was a scrawny kid, running wild in the streets with her  brother. She was there, begging Steve and Bucky to take her with them every place they went. She was there when him and Buck would come back to the Barnes’ scratched and bruised and bleeding, and she always promised not to tell Mrs. Barnes if Steve gave her a butterscotch candy from his pocket. Becca was just as much Steve’s baby sister as she was Bucky’s.  Of course she remembers him—of course, of course,  _ of course.  _ But with the way Steve’s life’s been going since he thawed out, this is nothing short of a miracle.

So he dives in, hugging her from the side after sitting next to her on the couch. She still feels so small in his arms, white hair tickling his nose as he burrows further into her neck. They hold each other for a long, long time, Becca gently rubbing his back. It’s like the roles have been reversed and she’s the older sibling now, picking Steve up and dusting him off.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Steve apologizes as he lets go. He sees the caretaker has excused herself and shut the door to give them privacy. 

“You’re here now, though, Stevie. It’s okay,” Becca reassures. Steve wants to curl up into a ball. Her patience and understanding are so pure, and he wishes he could swim in it for a long time without having to tell her the reason he finally came here. But he thinks he’ll explode if he holds on to it anymore.

“Becca, I... there’s something I need to tell you. Something real important.” Becca stills, but she doesn’t interrupt. Steve is shaking so bad his bones hurt. “Buck is alive.”

“No.” It’s immediate and firm. Her face is careful and unreadable.

“It’s true, Becca. It’s true. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” 

Steve doesn’t think he’s ever seen anyone fall apart so visibly in his life. Becca collapses forward into his arms with a sob, and Steve knows that it’s a sound he’ll never be able to dig out of his ears.

++

Later, when Becca’s in her bed and Steve is sitting in a chair beside her, he tells her everything about Bucky and Hydra and the Winter Soldier and how Buck could be anywhere on this godforsaken planet right now. She cries more; never really stopped, and Steve cries with her. For a long time, they just grasp each other’s hands and cry and cry and cry. Their eyes are red-rimmed, and their voices are scratchy when Becca decides to speak again.

“You’re  gonna bring him home, right?” She asks, wary and exhausted.

“I have to. I don’t think I could live if I don’t.”

“Steve. You’ve done good. Has anyone told you that?”

Steve’s holding back tears again as he shakes his head. He looks down at their still-clasped hands. 

“I’m proud of you-  _ he’s  _ proud of you, even if he doesn’t know it right now. If anyone can bring him back it’s you, Steve. Always been you.” Becca sounds so worn out Steve can barely handle it. He just nods; it’s all he can ever do anymore. Just nod and act like he isn’t still frozen in that ice.

  


**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on twitter: @sameifer


End file.
